My plate seems to be overflowing with life's CRAP right now! Christmas, Making sure each kid has the same # of Christmas gifts, trying to maintain the bills and still buy all these ridiculously overpriced gifts (cash only!) on an unemployment check's budget, still maintaining the household, the family, the responsibilities of being a wife, mother, adult...and still trying to keep myself healthy and on track with my personal goals (which I have gotten slack with). It sucks sometimes. Well it sucks alot of times!! I don't know... when the heck did I grow up? I want to be a kid again..no worries, no responsibilities, not having to please everyone, thinking of only myself and my needs and wants. Sounds pretty selfish doesn't it. Some days I just feel like I could turn into a pile of dust on the floor, and the only reason someone would notice I'm not around is because their laundry isn't done, or the food isn't cooked, or there's no clean towels or the dogs haven't been fed or all of the forks are missing, or the tv was cut off because the bill wasn't paid, or the supplies wern't bought for the school project, or....or....or.... And if I was a pile of dust on the floor... I would just sit there, indefinately, in a nice little pile, because I wouldn't be around to sweep myself up. My broom in my house must be covered in anthrax or something, because noone wants to put their hands on it *sigh*. So I would just sit there, a faceless, voiceless pile of dust getting kicked around and scattered. LOL
But I only have myself to blame... I have spoiled everyone so much by doing everything myself, all of the time. Only because I'm so anal about the way things are done, damn undiagnosed OCD. Can't win for losing in this game I guess. My husband tries, he really does. He's great! He works very hard all day long and I don't expect him to come home and wait on me hand and foot. But dang I have some lazy kids!! Lazy to the point that if I forget to put a fork on their plate..( yes, I STILL fix their plates...someone please shoot me!) they will eat with their fingers to prevent actually having to get up and get their own fork. Think I'm kidding??
Or will sit on the toilet for 2 hours yelling for someone to get them some toilet paper instead of getting it BEFORE they sat down, knowing the bathroom was out. I mean really. Thing is... I think I just get overwhelmed with not only being the parent of 5 kids (4 at home)...all now teenagers basically, and life's everyday stresses, but the stresses of the "additives" we were blessed with in regards to our children. A teenage son with Aspergers (on the autistic spectrum) & Epilepsy , a tween daughter with Bartters Syndrome (born a preemie with a kidney disease), a tween son with severe OCD (I know it could be worse than it is) , sometimes just the medical conditions alone wear me down, doctors, tests, all the medications, dealing with what the illness brings to the child physically, side effects of the medications.. it all gets a little crazy sometimes. And the stresses of "others" that are in the picture. Oh Lord!!! But you know, at the end of the day..when I lay in bed and the house is quiet, everyone's asleep and I see my gorgeous husband beside me... my whole being smiles from the inside out. I LOVE my crazy, chaotic, beautiful life. I truely do! I don't have a fancy house, I live paycheck to paycheck, I don't wear name brand clothes or get my hair done at a high end salon.... but I DO have something that no amount of money could ever buy... I have the most wonderful husband ever - who deeply loves me and I him , 5 beautiful, good, smart ,children and the love of an amazing family. What more could a girl need? THAT, makes me the richest person in the world! And sometimes, when life seems to be getting out of control, I have to remind myself of that. And sometimes I even have to remind myself that this is the life I chose.....and I wouldn't want it any other way, and that's the truth! So just take a minute, when YOU are feeling like a pile of dust...look around at everything that you DO have...and count your blessings. I will take everything I have, over having none of it at all, any day!!! =)
until next time........
And thank you for a house full of people I love. Amen. ~Terri Guillemets
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